10/10 - Day 4.5

Wednesday afternoon...
Last night I cried at a commercial, I cried on the phone when talking to Joe...he surely must think I am off my meds and in much need of a padded room by now.  This is so much worse than PMS...bring on PMS...I want to bleed now!!!  Ending smoking is like ending a 23 year relationship with my youth.  I was cool when I smoked a Marlboro behind The Tree (the local roller skating rink - yeah it was way cool then!!!  (And I could backwards skate with my John Travolta wearing T-shirt bad ass self)...I also wrote in my diary how gross it was - I was 13 - what did I know?
Apparently I knew a lot more at 13 than I did at 17...because at the age of 17 I bought my first pack of Marlboro Lights at the Mobil station on Alpine - right by Edgebrook.  I had bought other packs before, Virginia Slims...and what were those long brown cigarettes???  It was fun to buy smokes and say they were for your momma...hahaha.  I don't think I ever smoked them...just had them for the cool factor.
One thing I will for sure miss...my 40 year old ass getting carded for something you have to be 18 to buy...DAMN!!!  That made me feel good, to get carded to buy cigarettes!!!  Woo Hoo they think I look young!!!!
Today is better (so far) than yesterday....I am still wanting a smoke.  Letting the dogs out is hard, because I would step out with them and light up.  I work from home, so I haven't had to face any smokers yet...that is another problem for another day.  I did drive without smoking...I rolled the window down on instinct ..F(*& it is cold out!!!  I ignored the sub zero temperatures when I needed my smoke on - hahaha.
Still coughing like the Green Mile - gettin' all dat evil out - but as long as I don't lose a lung I should be good for tomorrow's entry.
Peace and Love - M